now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
