Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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