Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
