We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
