Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
