I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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