My balls are so social today.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize