About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
