i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
