Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
