pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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