when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
