I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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