Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
