get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
