sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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