I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
