You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
