if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize