just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
