please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
