I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck