Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.