I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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