it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
