I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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