you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize