Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
