Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
