Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
