Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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