You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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