The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
