Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
