So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
