We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
