Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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