he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
