My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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