I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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