I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
