I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
