No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
