happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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