I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
