Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
