i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
