someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
