It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I only lived at night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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