i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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