I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
