Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
