At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
