If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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