My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come on in and take your pants off
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