you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
