My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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