No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
