Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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