all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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