This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
