butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
