I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
