i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
